I tend to be a fidgety, hurried person. I walk too fast, talk too fast and spill a lot of coffee during any given day. I can accomplish quite a bit when I really put my mind to it, but usually all my hurrying doesn't seem to give me an edge over slower people. Slower movers tend to get things done right. I mess things up in my jerky way and then have to go back to fix mistakes, and fixing things takes a lot of time.
Yet, I've come to the conclusion that my fast pace is actually a symptom of laziness.
Really, it is.
Because I don't like being bothered to do stuff I don't want to do, I end up doing those things fast just to get them over with. I run from my car to the front door of the school I work in each day just to get the distance over with. I walk like I'm fleeing from the rain, even on sunny days. It's all in a bid to cover even short distances in as little time as possible. Whenever I look ahead on whatever path I might be taking, I get overwhelmed by the length of what's ahead of me, so I just power ahead. I'm lazy that way.
I also get up too early to get to work on time.
Really, I do.
I get up hours before I need to leave the house and then lazily rush through all the tasks I don't want to come home to and end up being late. I hate the thought of working too hard, so I work as fast as I can to get it all behind me, but then end up being behind at stuff at work and so the lazy rushing continues.
Admittedly, I feel guilty about rushing all the time. It's deceitful. People think I'm a real go-getter. I had a newer coworker comment to me the other day that he didn't want to add anything to my plate because I look so busy. It was awful to hear him say that. I have a very manageable work load. I just don't want to do it, so I race around to get it done faster. Which makes it look like I'm not lazy. Which, because I am, makes me a lazy hypocrite.
My laziness has now come to a head in this new blog space. For three years, I kept a Wordpress blog going and acquired a sizeable following, but then, true to my lazy nature, I started neglecting it. It was something I couldn't rush through. The writing and posting process could only be trudged through, not race-walked through. And, even more than the distance between my car and the door of my workplace, the distance between my posts started appearing longer, more daunting. It was just too much work for a lazy person to commit to.
So, in a fresh attempt to wiggle out of more work, I'm activating the blog feature on my author website here. I've just reworked some of my older Wordpress blog posts into chapters of my latest book, "Piety, Pride, and a Cosy of Cures," and will be discontinuing that site soon. This space seems smaller and more manageable somehow. My plan is to post updates once in a while, and only when I really feel like it. I refuse to commit to a schedule here in order to lounge about in my next novel manuscript, (the third installment in the Aunt Win series) and take my own sweet time on the road to completion.
Except...now this path is starting to look kind of long.
Shoot, maybe I need to up my pace with this blog to get it over with so I can race over to the manuscript.
Ahh! Here I go--I can feel my limbs twitching as I realize I can't see beyond the bottom horizon of this unfamiliar white space. I think I'm going to have to start racing a bit. But, man, a fast stride feels weird and scary in an unfamiliar setting. My gait feels wobbly, but I want to get this over with.
Is this why Olympic racewalkers all have those bent and bowed-out legs? Are they all really just lazy athletes?